If you celebrate the holiday, you likely spend the first few
moments after waking on Christmas morning basking in the glow of your memories
and traditions. But what if, after consciousness fully returns, you suddenly
remember that you are waking up in a women’s shelter? Maybe your children are
tucked safely into bed beside you, or lying on spare mattresses on the floor. They
likely didn’t sleep well. You didn’t either. Your wee ones are a bit
frightened, uncomfortable and stressed. You are worried that one of them is
coming down with a cold. You are worried about many things. What will Christmas
morning feel like to you?
Most moms who have had to take their children to a shelter any
time of year will express a feeling of guilt, and possibly shame. Maybe you
think you are ruining Christmas for your kids, because they won’t have the
usual decorations, celebrations, food and gifts that they normally have at home
this time of year. Likely you are hoping that your children are too young to
remember this Christmas. Next year will be better, and this year and every year
before it will fade into a distant, cloudy history.
But maybe Christmas hasn’t been that fun the last few years,
anyway. If you are in a Violence Against Women (VAW) shelter, you are likely
there because your situation developed to a point where you just couldn’t take
it anymore. You made a very brave and very difficult decision to leave your
home with very little other than the layers of clothing on your backs during
this brutal season. You left everything else behind. You probably didn’t have
control over your money – if you were making any money to begin with. You
likely put this decision off for months, and maybe years, because you didn’t
have the financial support for a new beginning. Your poverty kept you trapped
in your situation. But then something happened that made you realize you just
had to leave. The women’s shelter was your last resort. What will Christmas be
like for you and your kids this year?
Hopefully, the shelter has connections with a local church,
charity or The Salvation Army, so your children will receive a gift on
Christmas morning. Depending on your own individual situation, maybe it will be
one of the better Christmases in their memory, because they will feel safe for
the first time in years. The environment will be calm and cozy, they will be
warm and well-fed and you will be able to focus your energies on spending time
together rather than just surviving.
But what about you, the woman in the shelter? What is
Christmas going to be like for you? My hope for you is that this time of year,
rather than feeling like a loss or a failure, you will realize the incredible
thing you have just done. You are amazing, powerful and wise. You have done the
right thing. Give yourself the gift of Hope. Make a commitment to yourself to
make the right decisions for you and your family now, so that you will have a
good future. You have already taken the first step. Good for you. That took a
great deal of courage and strength.
You are likely emotionally and physically exhausted, because
it is difficult to sleep in a new bed, when you are surrounded by strangers and
thoughts of an uncertain future. This is your time to meditate on 2020 and what
it will mean for you. First, you need to make sure you are safe. Make use of
the resources available to you through the shelter to ensure you and your
children can get up and go to school or work each morning without worrying
about dealing with anyone who is harmful, controlling, abusive or manipulative.
This is your life. You get to choose who you let into it now.
Surround yourself with positive people who believe in and
support your decisions. You have the right to avoid or eliminate interactions
with people who represent an unhealthy relationship for you and your kids.
I will be filling a bag with new socks, underwear, pajamas,
toiletries, and a few things for you and the kids, so you will have something
that is completely new on Christmas morning. I will be thinking of you. You can
do this. I believe in you.
Merry Christmas.
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